larvatus prodeo

Responding to tepid box office for his latest venture into transgressive ersatz hardcore, Ang Lee is developing a simultaneous sequel to his two greatest hits to date, tentatively entitled Crouching Penis, Hidden Arsehole.

“At 1216 hours, [Senator Larry] Craig [(R-Idaho)] tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area,” the police report states.

A British zoo announced yesterday that virgin birth of five Komodo dragons does not add up to a quintuplet reptile messiah.

A baby Komodo dragon is held by a keeper after hatching at Chester Zoo in Chester, northern England, January 22, 2007. Flora, a Komodo dragon who has never mated or even mixed with a male, became a mother and father of five this week, British scientists said on Wednesday.
REUTERS/Phil Noble

In unrelated news, science sheepishly pledges to empower identification of embryonic homosexuals, instilling fears that prospective parents hopeful of grandparenthood might abort foeti who are identified as such. ( Read more... ) When will science deliver the red-blooded male’s prerogative, a woman who sucks and fucks till midnight and then turns into a pizza and a six-pack?

( Read more... )

In honor of the winter solstice marking larvatus’ first anniversary on LiveJournal, your host offers this valediction to all literary consumers:

amat qui scribit, pedicatur qui legit, qui auscultat prurit, pathicus est qui praeterit. ursi me comedant et ego verpam qui lego. ― Corpus Inscriptionem Latinarum 4.2360

Who writes loves, who reads is reamed, who listens itches, who walks by is a catcher. May bears gobble me, and I who read, a boner. ― translated by MZ

    Can we regard Socrates and Alcibiades as erastes and eromenos?
    Starting in his adolescence, Alcibiades was a student, and a follower, of Socrates. Both of them used erotic language in speaking to, and of, each other. Is it reasonable to identify their relationship as paederastic? ( Read more... )

    Rachel called again today. She asked why Michael didn’t pick up the phone last night. She asked whether he used a condom. Michael declined her gambit.
    Rachel has memorable tits. Michael never turned down an opportunity to fondle them. But Rachel is no good on the phone. This connection is too slight to permit feeding and fucking. Only the excuses remain. That is not enough.
    She cannot understand why a good woman like herself cannot find a good man. Michael explains that she is addicted to misery. Rachel will do whatever it takes to keep herself unhappy. Her efforts to connect with Michael fall under this rubric. She flees to squelch the intimacy. She comes back to maintain the tension. She conjures up the reasons for her discontent. Michael is not of this world. He thinks too much. He will not go forth to shake hands and make deals.
    Rachel likes being fed and fucked. That is the only way to stop her complaining. Michael played along for two years. Then Rachel got pregnant. At first, she seemed excited. She was going to have the child. Michael was looking forward to being a father. Three weeks into it, Rachel exploded at Michael. She ran out of his house screaming. Michael tried to calm her down. Later on, Rachel called Michael’s mother and told her that she had a miscarriage. She refused to speak to Michael. On Wednesday he came to her doorstep with his father. They pleaded with Rachel to talk things over. She did not respond. The next day she had an abortion.
    Afterwards she begged Michael to come back. On Sunday night he came to see her. Rachel was in bed. Her roommate’s toy dog had a hardon. He ran after Michael, trying to hump his foot. Rachel asked Michael to lie down next to her. She wanted to feel his cock inside her. Rachel explained that her cunt was sore from miscarriage. She laid on her stomach. Michael slid his cock up her ass. Rachel moaned. She liked feeling helpless under Michael. When they were done, she told him about the abortion. She wanted to try getting pregnant again. Michael walked out.

Edvard Munch, The Day After, 1894-1895, oil on canvas, 115x152cm
    For three days he remained inside, going out only to walk the dogs. On Wednesday afternoon, Michael’s parents came to visit. He was lying in his bed upstairs. He would not come down. Later on, Michael’s father called to invite him to a movie. Michael was not in the mood to be entertained. Later he changed his mind. He picked up two videos and headed to his parents’ apartment. He called them on the way. His mother said that his father was sleeping. Michael told her not to wake him up. He stopped at a Japanese restaurant. He ate yellowtail sashimi and headed west to watch the videos with his parents. On the way to their place, Michael stopped at a newsstand. He was leafing through motorcycle magazines when his cell phone rang. Christoph just saw Michael’s parents on TV. There was a fire.

William Blake, The House of Death, 1795/circa 1805, color print finished in ink and watercolour on paper support, 485x610mm